So this is my commitment for this Lenten season: to reflect once a day on my faith and my walk with God. The Lenten devotional by Fredrick Buechner offers up some great questions for reflection, so I will work from there.
But first a confession...
I really want to be spiritually disciplined, I'm just really bad at it. I think that I get complacent about the fact that I know God walks with me and shares my journey, so I don't have to put intentional time into my spiritual health. But isn't that a little like knowing your heart is still beating so therefore you can eat whatever you want and never exercise? Knowing the existence of something is different that nurturing and growing. So I wear the ash of the season as a reminder that I am from dust and to dust I shall return, and in my broken and fragile state I need all the help I can get. Its time to get on the faith treadmill, to spend daily attention to my spiritual diet, and to be aware of the difference between existing and living.
Ok, yesterday's question: What would I do if today were my last day?
Obviously there are the typical answers of telling friends and family that I love them, but I think I still wrestle with my "legacy." So I might also (after the goodbyes and "I love you's") spend the day trying to help one person get back on their feet, find a way to correct one injustice, plant a few trees, and look for a good soapbox to crawl on top of. The other more selfish is answer is that I might give everything I own away, but that isn't charitable as much as it is a safe-guard that no one would have to sort through my belongings and wonder why I owned half the things that clutter my house and life. It could of sounds like I might need at least a week's notice before death.... but it rarely happens that way. Maybe I should stick to the 4 basics: I love you, I apologize for, I forgive you for, and thank you for..... well that and some silent time to get reacquainted with the God that is about to hold me and welcome me home.
Today's question: Do I act as if I'll never die?
Nope! I think I act like it won't be for a long time, but that's a different question. Anyone that has the paranoia that I do about dying before I make the world a better place knows that they will die someday. It sounds odd to hear this, but I am thankful to have been present at so many deaths (I think I am around 150 these days) because it teaches so many lessons: 1) We all die and rarely do we have any say over when. 2) Death is the worst for the people who get left behind, not for the deceased. 3) In every death there is a lesson for how to live either by example or by "what not to do" 4) In every death, there is God: a presence, a blessing, a moment of reconnection or expressed love.
I know that I will die, I think what I am afraid of is that it will be before I am ready... and that raises a whole different question.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Thursday, May 14, 2009
The Speech No One Asked Me to Give
Ahhh Graduation.... what would I say if someone asked me to be the guest speaker at a commencement? Lot's of things, but lets just pretend I got invited and see what the speech would look like.....
Thank you for the invitation to speak to the class of 2009, it is my honor and my privilege to share in this joyous event. As the world becomes more and more intertwined by technology, it often feels our lives are one long and connected event - which can be a good or a bad thing depending on the moment. On the positive side, this hyper-connection means that we feel and know the suffering and pain of people on the other side of the world and we feel united as humanity when tragedy strikes. Sometimes, however, to be a part of a connected and instant world means losing perspective of our own markers in life that should have their own rituals and rights of passage. Graduation is one of those lost moments. Instead of spending time really appreciating and contemplating the weight of the occasion, we open presents, eat cake, and answer questions about what happens next. There is no time provided: to look back, to gather and organize the wisdom and lessons we have rightfully earned, to discern not just where you want to go but who you want to become relationally and spiritually in your future. I am sure that someone gave you a little time to think about where you were going in a geographical and occupational sense... but did anyone ever ask you: What does success look like for you, and how will you know when you have arrived there? What is your bigger mission in life? Do you know who and what you believe in and hold onto in crisis? What one problem in the world upsets you most and what are you going to do about it? How are you planning to stay connected to the people and spiritual forces that keep your soul fed? Here's the hard part about those questions.... they aren't written down anywhere, everyone's are different so you can't copy, and the answers will change for you several times over the course of your life. I don't have the answers to YOUR questions, but I can tell you what some of the answers to my own questions have been for me - think of it as the movie version of your favorite book: not exactly the same, not nearly as good, but better than never having seen or read it at all. Here is what I know about the world in my personal movie version....
1) Anyone who tells you the best time of your life happens before college graduation is either lying to you, forgot what those years were really like, or trapped by faded glory.
- High School years are NOT the best years of your life. It is a wonderful time of self discovery and new experiences, but it also the time of: conform or pay the price for identity, awkward looks and bodies that are in a tug of war between childhood and adulthood, hormones, pimples and peer pressure. We don't love High School, we survive it in an attempt to discover what we are passionate about and to earn the right to leave our parents home in exchange for freedom. I welcome you to hold onto your fond memories of HS and the lessons and relationships that were gathered there.... but I promise there are even better times ahead.
- College is also NOT the best time of your life. I loved college, and got a fair amount of wisdom out of it, but college is spent preparing you for a career, not for a life. I look back on my college years and can see that I spent a lot of time and thought on the state of the world and my future role in that world, but I still didn't know who I was in a larger sense and until we know who we are,m we can never know how we fit into the world. I can see that I was connected to earthly things like friends and fun, but I lost my relationship with the Spiritual force in the world, that thing that gives us inner peace and a sense of purpose beyond declaring a major.
- The best times will always lie in front of you. We are constantly discovering our own identity and passions, deepening and discarding relationships, wrestling with our faith and our calling - and every time we find a truth about ourselves we make the rest of our walk a little easier and life gets a little better until we arrive at the end and see only peace in front of us and a life well-lived on the road behind us.
(Ok, that's enough of the speech for today. Did I mention my fake-invitation was for a 6 hour commencement!)
Thank you for the invitation to speak to the class of 2009, it is my honor and my privilege to share in this joyous event. As the world becomes more and more intertwined by technology, it often feels our lives are one long and connected event - which can be a good or a bad thing depending on the moment. On the positive side, this hyper-connection means that we feel and know the suffering and pain of people on the other side of the world and we feel united as humanity when tragedy strikes. Sometimes, however, to be a part of a connected and instant world means losing perspective of our own markers in life that should have their own rituals and rights of passage. Graduation is one of those lost moments. Instead of spending time really appreciating and contemplating the weight of the occasion, we open presents, eat cake, and answer questions about what happens next. There is no time provided: to look back, to gather and organize the wisdom and lessons we have rightfully earned, to discern not just where you want to go but who you want to become relationally and spiritually in your future. I am sure that someone gave you a little time to think about where you were going in a geographical and occupational sense... but did anyone ever ask you: What does success look like for you, and how will you know when you have arrived there? What is your bigger mission in life? Do you know who and what you believe in and hold onto in crisis? What one problem in the world upsets you most and what are you going to do about it? How are you planning to stay connected to the people and spiritual forces that keep your soul fed? Here's the hard part about those questions.... they aren't written down anywhere, everyone's are different so you can't copy, and the answers will change for you several times over the course of your life. I don't have the answers to YOUR questions, but I can tell you what some of the answers to my own questions have been for me - think of it as the movie version of your favorite book: not exactly the same, not nearly as good, but better than never having seen or read it at all. Here is what I know about the world in my personal movie version....
1) Anyone who tells you the best time of your life happens before college graduation is either lying to you, forgot what those years were really like, or trapped by faded glory.
- High School years are NOT the best years of your life. It is a wonderful time of self discovery and new experiences, but it also the time of: conform or pay the price for identity, awkward looks and bodies that are in a tug of war between childhood and adulthood, hormones, pimples and peer pressure. We don't love High School, we survive it in an attempt to discover what we are passionate about and to earn the right to leave our parents home in exchange for freedom. I welcome you to hold onto your fond memories of HS and the lessons and relationships that were gathered there.... but I promise there are even better times ahead.
- College is also NOT the best time of your life. I loved college, and got a fair amount of wisdom out of it, but college is spent preparing you for a career, not for a life. I look back on my college years and can see that I spent a lot of time and thought on the state of the world and my future role in that world, but I still didn't know who I was in a larger sense and until we know who we are,m we can never know how we fit into the world. I can see that I was connected to earthly things like friends and fun, but I lost my relationship with the Spiritual force in the world, that thing that gives us inner peace and a sense of purpose beyond declaring a major.
- The best times will always lie in front of you. We are constantly discovering our own identity and passions, deepening and discarding relationships, wrestling with our faith and our calling - and every time we find a truth about ourselves we make the rest of our walk a little easier and life gets a little better until we arrive at the end and see only peace in front of us and a life well-lived on the road behind us.
(Ok, that's enough of the speech for today. Did I mention my fake-invitation was for a 6 hour commencement!)
Sunday, April 12, 2009
The Dangerous Universal
Complete this statement, "If it rains on Easter, you will ________."
Did you say you will have rain for the next 7 Sundays? Or were you thinking something more simple like if it rains you will get wet? Growing up I heard that folklore every year. My mother said it, I am pretty sure her mom said it - it's common knowledge... or I thought it was.
Today is Easter and it's raining, which made me think about the folklore, and if it was as common knowledge in my new home as it was in the area I am proud to call home. Turns out..... nope. Which started me thinking about the danger of thinking that something is universal. If we operate under the knowledge that everyone knows the same things that we know and has the same interpretation that we do... we are missing a lot of possibilities.
Mary, Peter, and the disciple that Jesus loved (whoever that may have been) all saw exactly the same thing, and each had a difference interpretation - one believed, one returned home, and one stayed behind to weep. What about us? Some see Easter as being about the salvation from sin, some see it as the proof that hate and fear cannot defeat love and mercy, some see it as the plan for redemption and completion of prophesy... and to be honest some see it as a chance to hide eggs and eat chocolate. But here is my fear, what about those who still haven't seen the empty tomb? What if we assume that our personal interpretation is universal and never engage others? If we think everyone knows the same thing we know about Easter, then I think we miss some of the power of the event. To think that Easter is universal is to limit that empty tomb to having just one purpose, and then what do we do with all the other cool meanings?
There is no such thing as universal - everyone comes to the present with their own background, experiences, and interpretations... that's what makes life so hard and wonderful all at the same time!
Happy Easter!
Thursday, April 9, 2009
The Road to Darkness
Today is Maundy Thursday, and its one of my absolute favorite religious days of the whole year. Why? Because I love talking about death and betrayal? No... great for drama, but not what I base my life on. It's my favorite because of the meaning that it holds, the symbolism and the final lessons that Jesus offered around that table.
Jesus gathered with his friends for a final lecture series, for the summary of his life and ministry, knowing that this was it for him on this earth as a fellow member of humanity. So what were the lessons?
1) Sometimes things suck, but it's how you handle them that matters.
- Jesus reminds Judas that he has acted like a total jerk, but that's it! We could stop here and get into a real theological debate about whether Judas had the choice to betray Jesus, or if it was part of God's plan and he just happened to draw the villain straw... but that's not my point. Jesus doesn't exclude him from the meal, or the foot-washing, or the cup - in fact only in John is he sent out at all... the rest of the Gospels leave as him as part of the group. My point? Being human means things don't always go like we wanted them to - in this final night Jesus continues to be the Savior of mercy and grace... even to Judas.
2) Spend time with people you care about - and know when it's worth surrendering.
- Jesus could have gone out and tried to get people to listen right up until the last moment, but he didn't. In those final hours he returns to a quiet meal with people he cares about, he goes to the garden but doesn't walk there by himself, and he sits and eats with the people who gave up their lives to follow him. When the world is too much, or when you know that change is coming - do we follow this example? Do we make the time to say a proper goodbye, to have closure and cherish the people we love? Our to-do list is always going to have stuff on it, and there will always be one more thing we want to accomplish... but at what cost? Sometimes the better choice to is to leave unfinished business and in return have complete relationships.
3) Know the power of humility and service.
- I LOVE that Jesus, according to John, washes their feet - and its one of those moments I wish I could have been there. I want to see the guys' faces when Jesus takes on woman's work, when he humbles himself to the status of a servant, and when he calls Peter on having a problem with it. Here is my favorite of the final lessons: you are never too important that you can't get down on the floor in front of people that have served you and that you love. Service is a form of love and it means that you care enough about someone to place their needs above your own. That's why we get the "faith high" from serving in the soup kitchens, and doing good deeds - it's because in those moments we are connected to what it means to be humble and a servant. While I am all about the women's right movement; I can see some of the beauty in the historical role of service. When the wife and mother cleaned, cooked, and nurtured - I don't think they thought of it as subservient as much as they saw it as an act of love - the problem society got into was limiting that opportunity to love in that manner to JUST women. So if this lesson had a theme song, it would be "Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord" and he shall lift you up, higher and higher. (Great song, great lesson)
Today is the entrance to the road to darkness. It ends with pain, and suffering, and a world without a savior... but, man, are there some cool things to learn along the way. To know Resurrection we must first know death, to know what is good about the world, we must first know what is broken, and to get to Easter, we have to go through Maundy Thursday and Good Friday.
Happy Holy Week!
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